If you desire change then YOU do something about it?
What do you have with you? It may be nothing to begin with. You may have the money or resources at your disposal to achieve what you want. You may have the support of friends. Or at times it may be as small as that messed up guitar. It may even be as little as a spark of ingenuity. You may have the talent. At times you may not have even that but just the desire to improve on your hollow voice or rudimentary musical skills.
The crucial question isn’t what you don’t have. It is not why this project cannot work? The point should be I am going to forge forward with what I have at my disposal.
In the end the right moment may never come.
There are numerous stories of projects that never take off because you have exams. You fail to have jam sessions because one guy can’t make it or you’re not satisfied with the quality of your work at the moment. Your practice sessions fail take place consistently because you don’t sound like so and so. You can’t play song ABC because you don’t have equipment XYZ.
There is a case of the kid that never started doing music because he greatly coveted a Gibson Les Paul. So he did the only thing that kids do when square pegs cant fit into round holes. They sulk and throw tantrums as if this will fix anything. They frown and resent the world and make it look as if the endeavor of fixing the peg into the hole is anyone elses concern apart from his own. Boohoo.
In the grand scheme of things resentment builds and he begins to hate everyone. Sad this is everyone and no one doesn’t care. Everyone doesn’t know why you are sad inside.
I had a similar dream. In that dream id charted out my life path. My dream school while in Primary School was Starehe Boys Centre. I worked so hard to go there but things didn’t work out so I ended up at Jahmu. (Jamhuri High School). I hated my folks for it because they were somehow responsible for this and I blamed them for everything. But being the child I was I didn’t realize that at the end of the day its my life. I had to stop bitching and take responsibility.
I coveted Starehe study centre and made my life revolve around it. I was the means and this place was the end.
J Gatsby, went round the world, betrayed people, faked his identity. J Gatsby a highly motivated and supremely cunning man built a fortune and became jealously famous in order to get the attention of a girl. A girl called Daisy. When he met her he believed he would make her happy. His happiness, his own life should have been his destiny. But he got blinded along the way and he made this girl the object of his happiness. Everything he did was a means to an end. And that end was Daisy.
But what I and the earstwhile Gatsby never realized was that our misplaced objects of satisfaction. We get so obsessed with things and lose sight of the bigger picture.
My obsession with Starehe itself when I look back now is laughable. I scowled and became insufferable for a place that I would have spent only four years at? What is four years of transcient happiness compared to a lifetime of fulfillment?
And I ask you now, kid in skinny jeans and dyed hair. I know you hate your mum and you think your folks or the world owes you anything, but how long will that Gibson Les Paul make you happy. Your problems aren’t the world’s problems.
In that self-doubt and fear of never accomplishing anything without all the things we wanted in place we have abdicated our role in the Kenyan Rock Scene. I have seen people complain about how the scene is so small and that we aren’t like country X and continent Y. that we don’t have record labels, that we don’t have good distribution and shows suck. But whose problem or responsibility do you think this is, mine?
When you have the little at your disposal and wait for the Universe to give you more then things will never materialize. The universe is too busy expanding to care for your ingratitude. It has given you all you need to go where you need to go.
Even God had very little to work with. Jewish oral traditions say the world was without form and was void. And he said and willed it liked a green lantern. From the power of will he formed the whole universe. God must have been the first Green lantern.
Those people in the scene who have done so much for it don’t have some of the things we dream of having before starting out. George Atsula who plays session drums for virtually all bands didn’t even own a drum kit last time I checked. And neither do Lawrence Muchemi or Larry Kim. Martin Kanja doesn’t have a single microphone to his name and he still gets shit done. We’ve had jam sessions with Sam Karugu where he’s played bass on one string! (Bless you)
With the years piling on there may come a time when you can’t make the difference that you need to make. There may be no time to make your make upon the world. you will have spent years living a fantasy waiting for that opportune tomorrow where the sun always shines and all the stars have aligned.
Tough luck bastard because horoscopes are as fantastical as that mindset. Real life goes on every day while you mark time like Zaza before taking your shot at goal and before you know it you’ve blown your chance.
If things have to change in this country, If we are to have a vibrant rock scene then guys need to let go of this insufferable attitude. Get up and get going. Take this shit like a job wake up early and practice. It won’t be ideal. It will rain, and you will get robbed. You will be broke and you will sound like shit. It may never pay off for long periods. You may slave for years before you see any fruits. But that is life. It is chastising. It is fucked up and incongruous. You will get a little joy along the road but most times the ride will be unbearable. But YOU MUST FIND AN EXCUSE TO WIN. You only need one homerun. One success. But we will only get there by doing something with the little we have.
But if you are irritated by every little rub, how will you be polished?